The One worth Suffering for chapter 10

[cillab42]

Jensen found himself waking up to a paramedic calling his name repeatedly. Noticing his wallet in the hands of said paramedic Jensen thinks, oh, that’s how he knew my name.

“Jensen, stay with us,” the heavyset man requested.

Shaking his head like a dog shaking off water, Jensen attempted to clear his head when the realization that he was lying on the dirty floor of the store prompted him to try to get up. However, when he caught sight of the bearded man the paramedics had to hold him down, while he embarrassed himself by screaming at the man, telling him he should be in jail for what he did to him.

“Jensen, please calm down or I’ll have to give you something to help calm you down,” the paramedic threatened.

“No!” Jensen replied as he placed his hands on his stomach, “I’m pregnant.”

The paramedic looked at his partner and shook his head as though to say, hormones. “I’m okay,” Jensen promised, “just a little shaken up.”

“Do you want me to call,” the second paramedic paused and read something in Jensen’s wallet, “Jared?”

“No, no call Chad…doctor.”

“You want me to call your doctor?” the paramedic misunderstood.

“No, call Chad, he’s my friend and a doctor,” Jensen clarified and rattled off Chad’s cell number.

While the second paramedic called Chad, the heavyset one helped a wobbly Jensen to his feet. Jensen looked around, but thankfully, the guy with the beard was gone. He was positive now that the man was not Morgan, but as soon as he got in his car, he was going to call and make sure.

The paramedic had talked to Chad and assured him that Jensen wouldn’t be alone when he got home, so reluctantly, they let Jensen leave. As Jensen turned to leave, the cashier stopped him as he walked by her to give him his purchases.
“I’m sorry, I’ll have to come back,” he advised because he was in no shape to deal with that right now.

“No, it’s okay,” she reassured him, “The nice guy with the beard paid for you.”

Jensen hesitated before he took the bag from the girl. He really didn’t want to take it from her, but he still felt the stare of the other customers as well as the paramedics and he didn’t want them to change their mind and insist that he come with them.

The walk to his car was short but it felt as though it was the length of two football fields as he still felt everyone staring at him, as though he was too delicate to make it there without histrionics, or passing out again. He opened the door and threw the bag inside only to be rewarded with the sound of something breaking. That is when he remembered the figurines he had purchased earlier. Perfect.

Once he was seated behind the steering wheel, he sat there until the shaking stopped long enough for him to leave a message for Ferris and Sheppard. Once he completed his call, he drove to his (hopefully) temporary home.

When he arrived to Chad’s place, the unwelcome sight of his mother’s SUV parked in the drive greeted him.

“Shitdamnfuckhell!” Jensen swore under his breath as though Donna Ackles could hear him from where he sat in his car. This was something else he was hoping he could put off for a little while longer, but he was not going to be afforded that luxury.

The house smelled wonderful. His mom apparently had been there long enough to put a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies in the oven for him. Those have always been her way to get Jensen to spill his guts to her, but it wasn’t a bad thing because she was his mom, the keeper of his secrets, and that’s why when he saw her he knew he was finally going to have to tell her everything because those cookies warm from the oven were his kryptonite.

Donna Ackles placed a plate of warm cookies and a cold glass of milk in front of Jensen and demanded, “This is where you tell me what’s wrong.”

“What made you think something was wrong?” he asked around a cookie.

“You’re staying at Chad’s, and you fainted in a public place and became so disoriented that the paramedics wanted to make sure someone would be home with you, so yes Jensen I knew something was wrong.”

“I’m pregnant,” Jensen blurted out because it was the easiest thing to tell her.

“Normally, this is the part where I would be jumping up and down and pulling out my phone to tell everyone I know, but something tells me there is more to this.”

“It’s not Jared’s,” he admitted with his head down because he was too ashamed to look at his mother when he had to tell her something so vile.

“Morgan’s?” She whispered with a shaky voice.

Jensen could not voice the answer, so he just shook his head.

“You cheated on Jared?” she accused, disappointment dripped from every word.

“No,” Jensen denied as he shook his head violently, “Mama no.”

This was the part he was dreading. There was no way to avoid this, especially if he didn’t let Jared talk him into terminating the pregnancy. He was secure in the knowledge that his family would love his child no matter what, but he considered Jared’s family his family as well, and if they were not let in on the circumstances of the conception, then he could possibly damage those relationships beyond repair.

This was one of the problems haunting his dreams for the past couple of days, the unknown attacker. Was he white, black or Asian. Was he tall or short, or was there a genetic disease in his family? Was he still stalking him or had he left town. As he confessed the information that there was a second attacker, he voiced these concerns to his mother as well.

Taking his hand, Donna softly censured, “Jensen you know you have to take some of the blame for some of this.”
“What did I do?” Jensen demanded, “Jared went behind my back and did something that affected us both, and I had no hand in that.”

“Don’t get me wrong Jensen, Jared was wrong to have the surgery without your knowledge and I would be just as angry if your father had did this to me.” She explained. “I have to admit that love the fact that you found someone you loves you the way that Jared does is great, but you let him treat you like the princess that Chad calls you and that sends the message to Jared that his actions are ok.”

Jensen stared at his mother as if she had grown a second head, “Mom?”

“Look, the way he treats you influences how your friends treat you. Chad was called in today, but he didn’t want to leave you here alone,” She pointed out. “Over the years I have seen Jared talk you into things that I know you didn’t want to do and by the time you capitulated, you had almost convinced yourself that the idea had been yours originally.”

“Oh, god mama, he wants me to have an abortion.”

“Jensen I can’t tell you what to do in this situation because ultimately this will be up to you and Jared, but if that is not what you want then now is the time you put on your big boy pants and stand your ground.”

“Mama … sometimes it’s hard to tell him no.”

“Then the baby that you wanted so much will not breathe its first breath because Jared can make sad eyes. Maybe it’s good you’re here with Chad and won’t be influenced in your decision.”

“Mama…” Jensen implored.

“All I am saying Jensen is just make sure the decision you make is yours, because this one, if it’s for Jared and not for you, your relationship won’t survive.”

He thought he was sure about his decision after seeing the ultrasound, but after his reaction today and the thought that the second attacker was still out there and may never be caught, would having this child be the best decision. After the conversation with his mom, it is clear that he is not as sure as he thought he was, but one thing is clear he does not have to make that choice today.

“I can hear your mind churning away Jensen,” Donna gently teased. “Tonight when you are alone, just ask yourself this question, do I really want this baby and go from there.”
Before he could respond the doorbell rang, so instead he teased, “Big boy pants mom? Really?”

“Yes,” she teased back as she moved to answer the door, “Now be quiet and eat your milk and cookies.”



Jared stared at his phone in an attempt to will it to ring, but of course it didn’t because Jedi mind tricks don’t work on inanimate objects, or at least that was what he was telling himself. He wanted to hear Jensen’s voice so badly even if it ended in an argument. His reluctance to call was not about being the first to give in, but fearfulness that Jensen didn’t feel the same.

Jared walked over to the fridge to see what he could fix for dinner, but it was the same as the house empty without Jensen to fill it. He closed the door and made his way back to the sofa after grabbing the stash of takeout menus. Just as he sat down the phone rang and He let it ring twice to steady himself but it didn’t matter because as he already knew Jedi mind tricks did not work. The caller id read Chad, not Jensen.

“Jared I don’t have much time, I just wanted to know if you have talked to Jen today,” Chad asked

“No,” Jared admitted, “I’m trying to give him a little space.”

“Well, space be damned, he fainted in a CVS today and if the paramedics hadn’t reached me they were going to admit him.”

“Is he alright? You don’t sound like you’re with him, why aren’t you with him,” Jared panicked.

“He is fine, but I was called in to cover a shift, but I didn’t leave him alone. His mom is with him. If you’re going to be chickenshit and not call him, then call her. When you talk to them, tell them to save me some cookies.”

“I’m glad that you have your priorities straight,” Jared admonished.

“Call him Jay,” Chad encouraged before he disconnected the call.

Scrolling down his contact list, Jared touched Jensen’s name before he could change his mind. “Hello,” a voice full of laughter answered.

“Jensen, I was calling to see you were feeling better, but it sounds as though you are.” Jared answered attempting to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

“Apparently the news spread concerning my incident today and now I have visitors here to help cheer me up.”

“Oh, Chad called them?” this time the bitterness is at the fact that Chad called him last.

“No, apparently the cashier knew Rosie and called him to gossip and he rallied the troops, although I think Danneel is here more to see Chad than me.”

“Look, since you’re busy, I’ll go, but… can we meet tomorrow for lunch? Please?”

Jensen named a place they could meet, but it was not their normal place and Jared was maybe a little hurt, but he could do this. The house still felt empty and was quiet without Jensen there to talk to him, but he was a little more comfortable with the knowledge that he would see Jensen tomorrow and perhaps he could talk him into coming home.



The restaurant Jensen chose was nice. It was bright, not yet full with people, and so different from what Jared had imagined. He had arrived twenty minutes early because he wanted to get his nerves settled, and he was glad he did to help cover his surprise of Jensen’s choice of eatery.

In the middle of his musings Jensen walked in and astounded Jared at how ridiculously gorgeous he was. It seemed that the older he got the better looking he became. As he walked towards the table, it amazed Jared that he had not noticed the changes in Jensen that screamed pregnant. His face was slightly rounder, and had he not known the man all of his life, he would have thought the little swell of his stomach was one too many beers.

As Jensen neared the table and he could see eyes that were a beautiful shade of green, it transported him back to another time, another Jared and Jensen. They were so young then, with no worries and no expectations. Chad and Jensen had been spending a lot of time together and though he knew, they were just friends, he had been so damned jealous of his friend. When he joined them they were occupying a booth and Chad was sitting so close to his Jensen, he just knew he had to tell Jensen how he felt before he did something stupid and punch one of his best friends.

Some girl had caught Chad’s attention and waved him over and Jared saw his chance. With the butterflies in his stomach turning into a flock of birds, he admitted how he felt, and to his amazement, Jensen admitted that he felt the same. Now here they were years later and the birds are back, but the feeling was the same, he had to convince Jensen that he still loved him and once this baby is gone, they could have a new beginning.

Normally he would greet Jensen with a kiss, and he leaned in to do so, but Jensen’s stiffening at the thought of contact with him told him he was still nervous when he was touched. To help pretend not to notice Jensen’s skittishness, Jared busied his hands with the glass of water the server had placed on the table, and gave a little smile when he noticed Jensen doing the same.

“Hi,” Jensen greeted after Jared moved away.

“Hi yourself,” Jared welcomed Jensen. He also gave him a smile in an attempt to put the other man at ease.

Their savior came in the form of their server whose name was Ted and in the event you forgot it his name tag was highlighted by blinking lights. The tension was broken when Ted brought their menus and they both tried to smother laughs at the shirt Ted wore that was decorated with every pin ever made that had some variation of a smiley face.

Once Ted walked away Jared asked, “Okay so what’s good here?”

“Don’t know, I’ve never been here, but how wrong can you go with a steak?”

Orders placed, Jared turned to really look at Jensen and that is when Jared noticed that Jensen was a little pale making the freckles that he loved and Jensen hated really stand out.

“How are you feeling, Jen? You look a little pale.”

“Apparently morning sickness is a misnomer because it just subsided an hour ago.” Jensen frowned.

Jared thought it best to sit on his hands before he reached over to stroke some part of Jensen to soothe him, and besides, he could only take so much rejection.

“May … is it okay to ask what happened yesterday.”

Jensen’s cheeks went from pale to bright red with embarrassment, “only if I never have to repeat this ever again.”

“Fair enough,” Jared agreed.

“I thought I saw Morgan ,and I even went so far as to call Sheppard and Ferris to make sure he was still in jail,”

Jensen continued to explain. “I saw a man that looked very similar to him, and he called whoever he was with sweetheart and suddenly I was in full panic mode, but I fainted before I could leave the store.”

“You do know that Morgan is still locked up, right? When I spoke to those two cops a couple of days ago they were going to visit him.”

“I know that now. I did get a voice mail from them reassuring me, but for that brief moment Jared I just… I just lost it.”

They spent the rest of the meal tiptoeing around each other not sure what topic was going to run the afternoon. The only subject that they needed to discuss was the baby, but he could tell that Jensen was not ready today, but it would have to be soon.

When Ted bought them the check, they were almost relaxed, but for some reason he noticed Jensen stiffen when Ted gave him the check. How did that make him uncomfortable after all of these years, because even when Jared was struggling he paid for their dates?

Once they were outside Jensen turned to Jared blinking his eyes against the midday sun, “Um… if you’re interested, I have an appointment with Dr. Kripke tomorrow to do some blood work around three.”

“I’ll be there with bells on,” Jared promised.

Jensen gave him a relieved smile as he climbed into his car and drove away while Jared watched him until the vehicle was no longer in his sight. Tomorrow he would be happy to meet Jensen at the doctor’s office because the sooner they could arrange for the abortion the sooner they could put their lives back together.

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