The One worth Suffering for chapter 7

[cillab42]

Jensen kept the news to himself for a week. He knew he was going to have to tell Jared, but he was scared. Things were already bad between them, and if this baby was not Jared’s then this pregnancy could tear them apart, and as bad as things were, he did not want to lose his partner.

He needed to talk to someone, but this was not a time to confide in Chad, because telling Chad was the same as telling Jared. Jensen wanted to discuss all of his options, but he needed a straight shooter, not someone who was going to make him feel guilty. He needed to understand that whatever he decided, it was going to be easy for him. He could talk to his mom he supposed, but he knew his dad would know the minute lunch was over and he couldn’t deal with the disappointment his father would try to hide, but Chris, Chris he could tell anything.

They met at a little Bistro that Jensen swore served the best coffee that anyone has ever brewed, and Chris indulged him because he knew Jensen has gone without while his jaw was wired shut. They had just gotten past pleasantries when Jensen’s phone alerted him to a new text.

Stop ignoring this Jensen, the text read, has Jared told you about his trip yet? Jared’s business trip that was more personal than business. Ask him.

Chris is easily frustrated at the best of times, but when Chris saw Jensen kept staring at the phone, he grabbed it and asked, “What the hell are you reading?”

A frown marred Chris’ face when he read the text, “who sent this?”

“I don’t know. They started coming when I got out of the hospital and I really haven’t had time to think about it.”

“What did Jared or better yet those two detectives say about them?” Chris probed.

“I… I haven’t told them yet,” Jensen admitted.

“The fuck’s wrong with you boy? You and both know this can’t be a coincidence.” Chris admonished.

“But Jeff is in jail,” Jensen defended weakly.

“Call ‘em Jensen.”

While Chris sat there and watched him as he dialed the phone, Jensen called and left messages with both (Chris insisted) Ferris and Sheppard. He still had to tell Chris about the pregnancy, so he really was glad he got their answering machines.

“Okay, we have that out of the way Jensen,” Chris stated while staring intently. “The reason you called couldn’t be as bad as that so spill.”

Jensen looked at Chris, hesitating before he told him his news. He had been sitting on this information for the past two days not telling anyone. Even after he threw the used test kit out so that Jared wouldn’t find it, he still hadn’t said the words aloud. To say them where someone else could hear them made it real. Once he spoke them, he couldn’t take the words back and pretend that he never said them to Chris.

“I’m,” he started, “I’m pregnant,” he exhaled hoping Chris understood what he said so that he wouldn’t have to repeat it.

“But Jensen, that’s good news right?” The confusion showed on his face. “That’s what you guys wanted, so why are you not happy about this?”

“I don’t know if it’s Jared’s or not. It could be Morgan’s child and I don’t know what to do.”

Jensen watched as his friend struggled to process what Jensen had said and to choose his words, “How… what makes you think that this baby may be that dick’s kid, I mean you and Jared had been trying for months Jen.”

“We were trying Chris, but I…I just started throwing up in the mornings. I don’t know if I was tired because of everything else going on.” He paused then continued, “I have thought about the possible dates, and if it is Morgan’s I have to think about possible termination.”

“What did the doctor say?” Chris asked anxiously.

“I won’t see him until tomorrow.” Jensen admitted.

“Then don’t make a decision until you do…” He started.

“I don’t want to lose Jared Chris,” Jensen pleaded for his friend to understand.

“If you do this you will lose yourself,” Chris reprimanded. “I know you Jen and you will not be able to live with yourself if you do that, so wait and see what the doctor says, then talk to Jared. Once you have all the information then the two of you can make an informed decision together, but also think about this Jen, it doesn’t matter who the father is, Morgan or Jared, this child is yours. This is a decision that sorry cannot fix, and if Jared walks because of a child who was innocent in all this shit, then he’s not worthy of you, let alone the kid.”

Jensen sat back and digested Chris’ words. Could he do that? Could he terminate his pregnancy even if Jared was not the father? He knew that there was a greater chance of this being Jared’s baby because they had been trying for so long, and there was nothing he wanted more than to give Jared a child. Tomorrows doctors’ visit would tell him how far along he was and put to rest the question of who fathered his child.


Jensen thought about the secret stash of baby things he purchased when Jared first agreed to start trying for a child. He never told Jared about the items because Jensen knew that his partner would scold him and remind him that he was getting his hopes up too soon because as they knew that conception for carriers was not easy. Jensen guessed that in reality it was because Jensen had quit taking his birth control months before Jared realized he had, so in actuality they had been trying to get pregnant for almost a year.

“Look Chris,” Jensen began as the server bought them their order. “For the next hour can we just be two friends eating lunch with no talk of babies, attacks or anything else unpleasant?”

Chris looked at his friend as though he had something else to say, but he just said, “Yeah, we can do that.” And began talking about the new music he and Steve had written.

The next hour that passed was the best Jensen had had in months. There was no poking, prodding, or anyone asking if he was all right. It was two men enjoying lunch. Well, that was what it was before Jensen received a return call from Sheppard asking him to stop by the station and all pretenses were dropped when reality called.



Police stations were dirty places, and it seemed as though the extremely bright lights they used to make everything visible only further highlighted the dirt. Jensen’s eyes darted around as he entered the police station. This was his first time here and he honestly thought that he was safer in the darkest alley in the slimiest part of town because there were fewer criminals there.

The desk sergeant pointed to a place to sit as he waited for the detectives. He was pretty sure he was being rude, but as he walked to the row of chairs , the only available seat was next to the person picking scabs from his arms and there was no way he was going to sit there. Just…no.

He wanted desperately to wash his hands, but he was scared that if he entered the restroom without an escort that he would not make it out without being robbed. Just as he had made up his mind to leave and call the detectives and have them meet him at his home, Samantha Ferris called his name and motioned him to follow her. Well fuck!

Jensen followed Samantha to her desk, and as luck would have it, it was located in the far corner of the room. As he walked to where he saw Sheppard sitting, Jensen felt as though all of the other detective’s eyes were on him, and it felt as if they were all shaking their heads saying there is the poor schmuck who was raped in his own home.

By the time he reached the desk and sat down, he was pale and even more nervous than when he first entered the station. The shame he felt at knowing that there were other people in this who room knew what had happened to him must have shown on his face, because suddenly Ferris was trying to reassure him.

“Jensen, no one here is judging you or what happened to you,” she said quietly. “A lot of these guys are helping work on your case, okay.”

Inhaling a deep breath, Jensen nodded his head in agreement because he had to swallow past the huge lump that prevented him from speaking. God he wished Jared was here.

“You okay?” she asked and when he nodded again, she continued, “now tell us what is going on.”
As he opened his mouth to tell them about the texts, a thought occurred to him and he blurted out, “Oh god, there was more than one person there that night wasn’t there?”

Instead of answering, Sheppard asked, “What makes you think that Jensen?”

He pulled out his phone and showed the pair of them the texts on his cell, all of them some variation of telling him to ask Jared about his trip to California and said, “I know that Jeff is still in jail and he does not have access to a cell phone. My friend Chris said that since these started coming after I was attacked, it had to have something to do with it. So again I ask you there was more than one man wasn’t there?”

The pair looked at each other and through an unspoken conversation agreed to tell him the truth.

“Yes,” Samantha softly answered.

Jensen observed both Ferris and Sheppard and he knew from the looks passing between the two that there was something they weren’t telling him. Suddenly his legs started shaking and his agitation grew and he sat there knowing that he was not going to like what they were about to tell him.

“Tell me,” he demanded.

Ferris unexpectedly seemed unsure about how to handle what she had to tell him. If he were not so worked up, then he probably would appreciate the fact that her usual bitchiness had faltered.

“Perhaps we should call Jared, and have him come here and discuss this with us,” she hedged.

Now on top of being agitated, he was exasperated as well. It was the same thing he experienced his entire life, people thought that he was fragile because of his looks, and that sentiment doubled when they found out that he was a Carrier, treating him as if he had to be coddled. He took this treatment from his friends and family because they cared, however, these people would forget him as soon as the case was closed. Suddenly it was too much.

“I am not a fucking child!” Jensen yelled hitting the desk in frustration.

As soon as he yelled, the room went quiet while all of the other officers in the room looked their way and silently asked if everything was under control. Sheppard held up his hand signaling that they were okay and the others went back to their work.

“Jensen…” Ferris began.

“I’m pregnant,” he begged in a whisper while holding his head down so he did not have to see the pity in their eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Ferris said, “When you were in the emergency room a rape kit was taken from you with both oral and anal swabs. The DNA tests show that there were two different men, and Morgan’s DNA only showed up in the oral swab. Morgan is still not talking so we do not know who the second donor is.”

Jensen held his hand to his stomach, it was horrible enough believing that Jeff Morgan could have fathered his child, but now he is faced with the fact that if the baby was not Jared’s he wouldn’t know who the father was. The thought of that was enough to make him cry like the girl everyone believed him to be and had he seen the look of pity on the female officers face he probably would have.

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