Do you love (Do you want to be my friend)Author:
Rating: NC-17Word Count:
Jensen and Jared have known each other their entire lives and were best friends until peer pressure and puberty drove them apart.Disclaimer:
This story is fictional, I don't own anything. It is not real and not for profit. Title is from George Strait song.AO3MARCH 2000
“Okay class” the teacher instructs “everyone should have an envelope and an index card. On the index card write a message to anyone in the senior class, sign your name, seal the envelope and put their name on the outside. Once you have finished put the envelope in this box and all envelopes will go into a time capsule that will be opened at your ten year class reunion.”
Jensen glanced quickly at the tall boy sitting next to him. He looked away just as quickly as he did not want to be caught staring. If he was caught the boy, Jared, or his best friend Chad would give him hell. He, Jared and Chad along with most of the senior class have known each other since they were in first grade, and he has probably loved Jared in one form or another just as long Somewhere around the sixth grade things changed, he gained weight and became chubby Jensen, and Jared and Chad began their ascent as sports Gods.
By high school, he was Fat Assckles and Jared was the sports God he promised to be, excelling in both football and basketball, and Chad, well he was along for the ride.
Throwing another quick glance at the gorgeous young man sitting next to him, he thought what the hell. He decided to write a note just like he wrote in the first grade when Jared was still his friend and loved him, or at least liked back. He might be embarrassed if they opened it tomorrow, but he doubted he would be around for his ten year reunion when they did open it. They probably wouldn’t remember him anyway, only Chris and Steve would remember him by then anyway.
With that in mind he wrote:
I love you, do you love me? He then made two boxes and added check yes or no underneath them. He put the card in the envelope and sealed it, wrote Jared Padalecki’s name on the front and hurried to the teacher’s desk to put it in the box before he lost his courage or Chad tried to take it from him.
As he stood up the leather bracelet he wore fell off of his arm, he picked it up ad placed it on top of his books. When he came back to his seat, it was gone. He knew where it was. Even though he could feel their eyes staring at him, he didn’t dare look at Chad or Jared let alone accuse them of taking it.
This was not the first time they had taken things from him over the years. In their freshman year they had taken his journal and parts of it was read aloud to the football team before football practice. Needless to say that being fourteen years old and outed against your will made his freshman year the worst year of his life.
Lunch was next and he knew he would catch even more hell from those two if he made a stink. He was just going to sit down and ignore them. Just as he sat back down, the bell rang, he jumped up wanting to hurry to get to the cafeteria before Jared and his friends got there so he would not have to do the walk of shame. Just as he was ready to bolt out of the door he heard:
“Jensen, can I see you for a minute after class please?”
Fuck! He was so screwed.
If there was one place in school that made Jensen feel more like a reject and the loner he was, it was the cafeteria. This was the scene of every high school cliché and the majority of his public humiliations.
He, Steve and Chris sat at the table for ‘Nobody’s’, as in nobody knew they existed. “Nobody’s” were so far down the totem pole, that they weren’t friends with each other. They just sat in small clusters at the tables the furthest away from the popular kids.
Unfortunately, everyone had to pass the table with the popular kids to gain entry into the cafeteria. This gave the jocks, the cheerleaders and all the other popular kids especially Jared’s best friend Chad, the opportunity to give everyone a hard time as they walked by. This was considered the walk of shame. Everyone who didn’t sit at the table with the popular kids were taunted or mocked. Sometimes even new or substitute teachers were targets. The entire cafeteria laughed not because they thought it was funny, but because they were grateful it wasn’t them. Jensen, for some reason seemed to be their favorite target. As soon as he started to his seat Chad shouted “hide your food everyone here comes Fat Assckles” and the entire room erupted with laughter.
Jensen stood there, for a split second like a deer caught in the headlights, too embarrassed to move. Somewhere in the distance, above the roaring in his ears, he could have sworn he heard Jared tell him to cut it out, more specifically to leave Jensen alone. He could feel his face go red. Chris who was directly behind him guided him to his seat. He was too embarrassed to eat, but didn’t want to have to walk by that table to leave.
“C’mon man” Chris said “two months and you’re free, you won’t have to put up with his shit anymore”
All Jensen could do was nod his head. If he said anything he would have cried and that would have made the remaining two months of school even worse than they already were.
Two months. College. No stupid pining for Jared and no more harassment from Chad and the entire athletic department. He couldn’t wait!APRIL 2010
Jensen was tired. The tour he, Chris and Steve had officially ended yesterday and today they were just relaxing, figuring out what their next move was going to be. The little band they started to make extra money in college to help make ends meet was doing more than that now. Five Grammys and multimillion dollar recording and song writing deals insured that they were more than making ends meet.
“Hey Jen,” Chris said “did you get one of these?” he asked sliding an envelope towards him. “Steve and I both did.”
“Do you think they want us to be the entertainment?” Steve joked as Jensen picked up the envelope.
Steve and Chris studied his face as he opened the envelope. They knew this wasn’t going to be good news to him, no matter how much his life has changed since high school.
“Holy shit!” he said as he looked at what Chris had given him. He dropped it as though it burned his fingers. “High school reunion. Really? I couldn’t get outta that place fast enough, no way am I going back.”
“Come on man,” Steve says laughing “we can go back in style, show them how the ‘Nobody’s’ made it.” They all chuckle because they named their group ‘The Nobody’s’ as a joke. The joke was on them. They became almost an overnight success. Three years out of high school and they had their first number one hit.
“I have two words for you ‘Fat Assckles’ Jensen muttered, still embarrassed by the name.
Steve was going to say something else, but reading the other man’s mind, Chris chimed in with “how ‘bout these two words, Jay-red Padalecki”
“That’s not even an issue anymore Chris.” Both Chris and Steve shot him a look of disbelief. “And you’re such a damned redneck you turned it into three words, but still no, not going”
“Son you forget how we live in each other’s pockets. You may not do it often, but your hook-ups all have the same thing in common.”
Jensen glared at Chris and left the unanswered question hanging in the air. What did they all have I common.
“They are all stupid tall, have long floppy brown hair, and big goofy grins” he chuckled.
Looking Jensen up and down, Chris offered, “Go back and show ‘em why they should change that to hot Assckles, cause dude, if I were into dick, I’d hit that!” he said referring to Jensen’s sculpted body after a fifty plus pounds weight loss.
Jensen blushed and after twenty minutes of arguing, he gave in. He knew he was not going to win this battle. He never wins when the two of the gang up on him but he had to put up a fight. Another deciding factor was if those two showed up and he didn’t, the press would have a field day speculating about a break up. He knew after facing Jared, he just didn’t want to have to deal with speculations from the media.June 2010
The Nobody’s, or rather Jensen, Chris and Steve arrived forty-five minutes late to the reunion. They were the last to arrive. It wasn’t because of them being divas, but because Jensen tried to back out at the last minute. Tried. He should have known that his friends and band mates would not let him. They would have made sure he showed up even if they had to hogtie him.
Their name tags sat on the table by themselves. Seems as though everyone came. When they arrived, still perky ex-head cheerleader Genevieve Cortese squealed loud enough to get everyone’s attention. “I just knew you guys were coming, I just knew it! Everyone said that you were above our little reunion”
She started explaining that in fifteen minutes everyone was going to open the letters that were attached to their nametags.
Since they did not have a letter attached, to either of theirs Steve asked her “what letters?”
“The letters from the time capsule silly.” They all looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders as if to say I don’t know.
The guys got separated after the letters were opened, everyone wanting to both talk to them, regale them with stories as though they were friends in high school. A couple of people even pretended that they had a letter from one of the boys.
During the confusion, Jensen spotted the French doors and decided a cigarette would be perfect, so he snuck out to the patio before he could be followed.
Too late he realized when he heard the doors open and close as he took the first puff of his cigarette.
“Kinda overwhelming huh?” A deep voice asked from behind him. “All those people pretending to be your friend?”
“Yeah” he answered, “it’s not as though any of those people actually remember me, and they just planted what they’ve read about me into their memories.” Jensen replied not bothering to even turn around.
“Hell, the majority of them didn’t even like me, I was their stress reliever” He laughed harshly.
“I remember you, liked you," the voice replied “or rather the boy that wrote this letter”
“What letter?” he asked turning around. Seeing who he was talking to and the letter he was holding, he swore. Jared motherfucking Padalecki. All of his teenaged, and now adult, wet dreams stood there looking better than… Well anything his mal-functioning mind could come up with at this point. He took a long drag on his cigarette and put it out in the ashtray near his leg.
“You don’t remember?”
“No not really.” He replied exhaling. “Should I even care?”
“A letter to someone in…”
“The senior class.” Jensen finished for him, suddenly remembering the letter, or more importantly, what he wrote.
Embarrassed, he ducked his head and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, he said “look dude, I was a fat geeky kid with a crush on the star quarterback. The quarterback who used to be my friend, who along with my other friends left me behind”
Lifting his head up, no longer embarrassed for the young boy he was remembering, he looked Jared in the eye and said. “Wondering how I got left behind the people who had been my friends my whole life.”
Jared shrugged his shoulder and replied, “You got left behind because that was what you wanted.”
Jensen’s head snapped up, anger flashing in his green eyes. “What I wanted?” he asked incredously, “What I wanted was the kids I grew up with to still be my friends instead of making me afraid to walk down the halls!”
Running his hands through his hair, Jared sighed and said “You should have been one of us. Had you not pulled away from us it wouldn’t have been an issue” Searching for words he continued, “You stopped trying when we were making new friends, so we just stopped trying with you.”
“Jeez Jared, I was fucking twelve years old!”
“So were we!” Jared snapped “we were mad because you stopped being our friend. Everything became Steve and Chris. By the time we were in high school, it was just habit. I know that doesn’t excuse what we did, but that’s the truth. It also made me not stand out let no one question who I was”
Snorting Jensen said as he glared at Jared, “Well your habit gave me one hell of a complex, besides Chris and Steve never, ever made fun of me. Never put me down to make themselves feel better.”
“You’d never know it to look at you,” walking you to Jensen he reached out to touch his arm he whispered “you’re self-confident and so fucking gorgeous! But then, you’ve always been gorgeous.”
“Well look can be deceiving!” he snapped. “Wait, what? Don’t you fucking try to lie to me. I know you didn’t think I was anything but fat!”
“No Jensen, I really didn’t. I was just too stupid to let you know, to do anything other than go along with the crowd.”
Looking down at the hand on his arm to shake it off, Jensen got the shock of his life, that’s when he saw it. His bracelet. He looked at it then back to Jared’s face.
“Why are you wearing that?” he nodded at the offending object.
Letting his eyes follow to what Jensen was looking at, Jared shrugged and said “I’ve been wearing this since I took it”
“Why did I take it? Or why am I wearing it? “
"Because it was yours.” He stated as though that explained everything.
“That doesn’t make sense…you. Chad. You… hated me. Fat Assckles. Remember, God knows I do.”
“I never hated you Jen.” He confessed, reverting back to his childhood nickname. “Never! Neither did Chad. That’s one of the reasons I was so mad at you. I really liked you and you just pushed me away. Chad was mad at you because you hurt me.”
“I hurt you?" He questioned unbelievingly.
Ignoring Jensen’s question, Jared reached inside of his jacket, he pulled out the letter Jensen had written all those years ago. “This tells me you didn’t hate me either. I even still have the one you wrote me when you were nine.”
Looking past the letter, to the bracelet on Jared’s arm, Jensen wanted to believe. God how he wanted to, but could he. He knew the Jensen today was a little, okay a lot more confident, but that didn’t mean all of his insecurities were gone. Deep inside, he was still that fat kid and probably always would be. When they first started achieving success, walking on the stage was like the walk of shame and he had to make his way without falling apart, but like always, Chris and Steve had his back and saw him through. Even though they were cheering for him, and girls (and guys) were throwing their underwear onstage, he saw himself as Fat Assckles for a long time. He’s still nervous when he goes onstage, but nothing like he was in the early days.
When Jensen didn’t respond, Jared kept on “I started taking your things hoping you….you’d. I don’t know, get mad, and say something Jen. Just notice me again. But you never did, so when I opened this letter a few minutes ago…...”
“You actually sound hurt,’’ Jensen said, amazed at what he was hearing. In his anger, he knocked Jared’s hand from his arm.
“Well you got my attention when you took my journal and shared it with the football team. Believe me I was angry because I truly did not want to out myself that way. I was saving that for the right boy and the right time, had it all planned. When I confronted Chad and a couple of your friends to get it back, well let’s just say that taught me to stay in my place. After that whatever you took, you could keep”
“Jen, I am soooo sorry, I…”
“Don’t, just don’t.” He put his hand up to stop whatever Jared had to say. “I had to come out to my parents before I was even sure about who I was. I was fourteen fucking years old I have never been so scared in my life. I was not sure how they were going to react, but then I had no choice.” His voice was trembling in remembrance.
“I didn’t know if they would still love me, still want me.” He whispered at the remembered fear. He was only calmed by the fact that his parents had been so wonderful. He remembers crying and begging them not to hate him, not to turn him away. They patiently and lovingly reassured him that they loved him and never failed to let him know it since. His mother slept with him that night, comforting him as though he was still a six year old child scared of the boogeyman hiding under his bed.
He never dated in high school, but he knew it wouldn’t have been an issue. For that he was grateful.
“That was never supposed to happen. I was going to give it back, but everything spiraled out of control, then I was too ashamed to give it back to you.”
“I was tortured, why not you? I mean it was in my journal that I was crushing on you. Also newsflash, you’re gay”
“I took it back before they could really read it. They just got to read a couple of pages."
“Enough to hurt me huh? Hurt me and leave you in the closet” What Jared said just sank in; he cocked his head and asked “So you knew how I felt, but you didn’t say anything?"
“I was scared.”
“Yes,” Jared whispered, “Scared. I wasn’t brave enough to tell anyone who I really was when I could barely admit it to myself. I didn’t, couldn’t until I went to college. We took that from you and I am….just” He cut off, rubbing his hands down his face.
“Why didn’t you try to contact me after, when you were at college? When you were strong enough to admit who you were”
“I did. I spent two weeks convincing your mom to give me your number my junior year at college.” He shook his head at the memory. There were heads of state who gave up information easier.
“She knew Chad and I were still close and thought I wanted to hurt you. It took some convincing to get it from her, to make her believe I was sincere.”
“I don’t believe you." Jensen said shaking his head, “You never called me.”
Pulling his cell from his pocket, he scrolled down to Jensen’s number and showed him the entry. “It took me another two weeks to work up the courage to call you. Just when I finally worked up the nerve to call, I saw an interview you guys were giving for your first record that was leaping up the charts. Had I called you then, you would have thought I was trying to cash in on your fame. I knew I had lost my chance.”
Jensen said nothing, but he knew Jared was right. That’s exactly what he would have thought. The odds of him reaching out at that time would have not felt right.
He wants this so badly, but he is not sure. Fat Assckles and the walk of shame keeps running through him mind over and over again. He can hear the sincerity in Jared’s voice, but the teenaged Jensen won’t let him believe. Can’t let him believe.
Putting his cell back in his pocket, Jared moved in close to Jensen looking at him as though the fate of the world rested on his next move. His large hands reached up to gently frame his face. He stared into the greenest eyes he had ever seen, and took a chance. He slowly leaned in to kiss Jensen.
At first the tentative, chaste kiss was just Jared. Jensen just stood there with his hands by his sides not wanting to give in to the gentle pressure. Finally he started to give up, but Jensen parted his lips, stepped into Jared, put his hands on the taller man’s hips, and allowed him to deepen the kiss.
Jared’s lips were dry and slightly chapped and …soft. So Soft. While He tasted like some kind of candy and beer, he wanted to taste Jared. While Jensen was lost in the softness of Jared’s lips and the flavor of his mouth, Jared bit down softly on his full bottom lip. He bit back a low guttural moan as Jared ran his tongue over his lip to soothe the bite, he discovered that his lip was obviously directly connected to his cock because he became diamond hard instantly.
At that moment all he felt was a godpleasenakednow want. He lifted his hands to card his hands through unbelievably soft hair, and then he fisted his hands into Jared’s shirt while slotting their mouths together and making every attempt to meld their bodies into one.
Jared’s hand reached for Jensen’s hips, to help pull them closer, showing the other man he was just as aroused by trying to grind their cocks together but he could not get the friction he wanted. Remembering there was a wall behind them; Jared carefully walked backwards three steps until he felt it up against his back never once breaking contact with Jensen’s mouth. Once he felt his back hit the wall, he flipped them so the Jensen’s back was to the wall. Somebody moaned as they finally found the urgent rhythm they were so desperately seeking, and Jensen was not sure if it was him or Jared.
Jensen’s hands released their grip on Jared’s shirt front found their way down to untuck Jared’s button-down, and he was sure that he was the one who moaned this time. The broad shoulders told him there was something spectacular under the loose clothes Jared wore. He knew eventually he just had to see what his hands were exploring, cause damn.
While his hands were mapping out Jared’s body, Jared’s tongue was claim staking Jensen’s mouth. He licked the inside of that bottom lip he had spent forever torturing, the roof of his mouth and then withdrew it. When Jensen chased it back into his mouth with his tongue, Jared began to tongue fuck him, and bucked his hips until they found the same rhythm as his mouth.
Jensen felt as though he was barely keeping his head above water, and when Jared’s mouth left his and found that spot behind his ear, he was completely submerged and couldn’t breathe. When Jared bit down on the spot where Jensen’s neck and shoulder joined, he completely forgot how to breathe.
Jared’s hand slid between them and started making its way down his stomach and unsnapped the button of Jensen’s jeans, Jensen started to help. He looked at those kiss swollen red shiny lips and wanted them on his cock. When Jared started to go down on his knees, Jensen Somehow remembered where he was and managed to find the strength to pull away from Jared. Panting as though he had ran a marathon, he pleaded “Stop, we gotta….don’t...Jesus fuck” he groaned, “Gonna come in my pants.”
Running his fingers through his hair, he tried to clear his head, but Jared still touching him was not helping. He knew Steve and Chris would soon notice he and Jared were missing and would come looking for him. He groaned at the thought of them finding Jared on his knees with his mouth stuffed with his cock, but he whimpered at the thought of Jared on his knees with his mouth stuffed with his cock.
“Jen please” Jared begged quietly, as he stepped forward and grabbed Jensen’s belt loop. “If this is the only chance I get then I’ll be okay with that,” the hurt in his voice and the hunger in his eyes belied his words. “Please!”
“Listen Jay,” he said unconsciously reverting back to Jared’s childhood name. “I came out when our first record hit. That does not mean that I want someone with a camera phone to burst through those doors and end up on YouTube! I don’t do things like this!”
As if on cue, Chris and Steve closely followed by Chad came through the door.
“Everything okay Jen?” Chris asked seeing the panic on the other mans face.
Stepping away from Jared, he drew in a shaky breath and said, “M’good”
“Jay-man what about you?" Chad queried
Jared just nodded turned and headed back in with Chad following closely on his heels.
Jensen took a deep breath and said “let’s go entertain the masses” Pasting a fake smile on his face, he went through the doors not looking to see if Chris and Steve followed.
Jensen spent the rest of the evening avoiding Jared that he didn’t notice that neither Chris nor Steve had the same compunction.
The ride back to the hotel was quiet. Jensen knew that his friends wanted to talk about Jared, but also knew that he couldn’t. Not now. Outside his door, Chris slipped him a card, and said “I take it you’ll use this when you are ready” and headed towards his room.
Once inside he looked at the card and froze in his tracks when he saw it was Jared’s business card. His cell number was written on the back. Jensen walked over to the bed and sat down, pulled out his cell and dialed.
“Hello?" a sleepy voice answered on the other end. “Hi mama” Jensen said softly “I know it’s late, but I have a quick question for you”
“Jensen is everything ok?” She asked hearing the distress in her son’s voice.
“Maybe. Why did you give Jared my number?”
“Because when he came to talk to me, I could see in his eyes that he meant you no harm, He really wanted to repair this thing between you two. I thought you two had worked this out years ago.”
“He never called. Said he didn’t want me to think he was chasing me for my fame.”
“You saw him tonight I take it?” When he softly whispered, “yes” she said “it sounds as though you want to give him a chance.”
“Yeah mama, I want.”
“Then call him.” She said in her stern mother’s voice, and then she bade softly,
After ending the call with his mom, Jensen stared at the card he was still holding. Taking a deep breath, he dialed the number.
“Jared, do you… can… I…” Jensen stuttered.
“What’s the room number?”
“1111,” he answered and hung up.May 2011
Jensen is not sure if it is the aroma of the coffee or the butterfly kisses to his collarbone that awakens him. Either way is a delicious way to start the day. When the kisses make their way from his collarbone to his adams apple and then... Damn! His jaw, the spot behind his ear, and then jackpot! His lips. He forgets that coffee was even a part of the equation.
“Hmmm, good morning,” he breathes into Jared’s mouth.
“Morning,” Jared answered back and leaned in to angle his mouth for a better position. Jensen felt as though Jared had better things to do with his mouth than talk and helped him deepen the kiss.
Jensen slowly brought his hands up to touch his lover’s warm smooth skin. Well that was his intention, but Jared had other ideas. He grabbed both of Jensen’s hands and placed them on the headboard and murmured “No touching, this is my treat.”
Still feeling boneless and thoroughly fucked out from the night before, all he could do was nod his agreement. With that settled, Jared gave Jensen another kiss. It was a deep and dirty kiss of dueling tongues, stolen breaths, clashing teeth, and biting.
Jensen tilted his head to the side, exposing the column of his neck. Jared took the hint and kissed his way down. When he reached his collar bone, he bit down gently, and then soothed the spot with his tongue. It was going to leave a mark, but then he didn’t really care. Let everyone know who Jensen belonged to.
When Jared’s mouth latched onto Jensen’s right nipple, Jensen mewled at the sensation.
“'S good, Jared. So damn good.” Jensen moaned.
In answer, Jared trailed his tongue to the left one and started suckling. He then kissed and licked his way down to Jensen’s belly button and dipped his tongue in. He looked up and gave a wicked little grin when he heard Jensen hiss and bit down to leave his mark. As soon as he bit, his tongue snaked out to soothe it.
“Are you gonna mark me all over?” Jensen gasped
“Yes,” he answered looking up into Jensen’s eyes. “You complaining?”
“No, not at…Ngggh” he bit off when Jared put his mouth back on him.
He put his mouth back to Jensen’s body and followed his treasure trail right down to the head of his cock. Glory!
When he felt the head of his cock enter into Jared’s mouth, Jensen’s hands buried into Jared’s hair.
With a loud pop, Jared let it go. He grabbed Jensen’s hands and placed them back on the headboard and growled “If you move them again, I will tie them to the headboard.” Jensen whimpered. He wasn’t sure if it was because Jared’s just sucked him down in one go, or at the thought of being tied down, because both had him on the verge of coming.
Placing his hand on Jensen’s stomach to hold him down, Jared took a deep breath, relaxed his throat and let Jensen’s cock enter his throat and began humming. Jensen tried to buck his hips, but that large hand on his stomach held him firmly in place.
The sensations had Jensen writhing under his lover. His fingers were just itching to grab Jared by his hair and just...goddam!
He felt the lips around his cock loosen, and the tongue follow the vein to the bundle of nerves under the hood of his cock. As he felt his orgasm slowly began to build in the base of his spine, he tried to warn Jared, but he couldn’t form the words through the overwhelming sensation rippling through his body. Feeling his body starting to tense up, his lover knew he was close and clamped his hand at the base to stop it.
“Not yet,"He teased.
“Jay...” he moaned in response “please, please!”
“I will” he mocked and flicked his tongue over the head, tasting the pre-come gathered there. Jared then moved his hand from Jensen’s stomach, and looked up into the lust blown green eyes of the man he loved.
“Jen, let go, its ok I got you,” Jared said before he swallowed him down again. Jared could tell that his words did not penetrate Jensen’s lust fogged mind, so he released him and said more forcefully.
“Let go Jen!”
As soon as he had his mouth back on him, Jensen’s hips began to buck driving his cock down Jared’s throat. Jared didn’t even flinch. He loved it when Jensen fucked his mouth. It didn’t take long. Stroke one, and Jared’s could taste the slightly bitter precome. Stroke two he could feel Jensen get harder and bigger. Stroke three and he was swallowing come. He tried to catch it all, but some ended up on his chin.
He held Jensen in mouth until Jensen needed to get the over sensitive organ out of his mouth. Jared then climbed up Jensen’s body until their mouths settled against each other. They began to exchange slow, gentle, lazy, kisses. Jensen could taste himself in Jared’s mouth. He liked the unique flavor of the mingled taste of them both.
“Hmmm,” Jared moaned into Jensen’s mouth.
Jared looked up and saw that the other man’s hands were still holding on to the headboard, he chuckled and said his voice hoarse from where Jensen had just fucked his mouth.
“You can let go now, I got you.”