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Fic Title: I’m no good without you
Author: [livejournal.com profile] cillab42
Fandom/Genre: J2
Pairing(s): Jared/Jensen, Chris Kane/Chad Michael Murray
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 4026
Warnings: breath!play, abusive!jared, abused!jensen, voyeurism, manipulative!jared

Summary: Jared is no good for Jensen, but he just can’t seem to stay away.

A/N: This fic was written for this month’s [livejournal.com profile] smpc and is based on Rhianna’s Love on the brain. I do not advocate abusive relationships so please don’t berate me in the comments, this is my take on the song. Thanks [livejournal.com profile] masja_17 again for the excellent beta skills, any mistakes found are my own. I do not own Jared, Jensen or any of the people mentioned in the fic, I just borrowed their likeness.






It had been ages since Jensen had gone out, but tonight his friends Christian and Chad had convinced him to stop hiding away. He wasn’t hiding, he was just too embarrassed after that last incident with his ex-boyfriend, Jared Padalecki. Okay, that might be classified as hiding, but it sounded better than licking his wounds which was what Jensen had been doing, both literally and figuratively.

He and Jared’s relationship had always been volatile; there had been a lot of yelling and screaming, but their last night together Jared had crossed the line and actually hit him. The idiot that he was became so goddamned turned on that instead of walking away; he let Jared fuck him raw against the brick wall in an alley behind the bar.

Jensen’s small, but he’s not a fragile person, but given his twink look; bowed legs, blonde hair, huge gamine green eyes framed by lashes that Maybelline wished it could duplicate. As if that wasn’t enough, then there were the pink pouty lips that every man he met wanted to slide their cock between, is what made everyone else think otherwise. That night when he walked back into the bar, battered, bruised and obviously freshly fucked and grimacing from the pain, their friends lost their minds.

What Jensen thought was a fucked out look, the blossoming bruises on his face said otherwise and sides were chosen. Well not so much as sides because everyone cut ties with Jared, even Jared’s best friend Chad and that made things awkward because Chad was friends with Jared's older brother Jeff as well. Jensen had tried to tell them that he hadn’t been raped, that he participated, but the fractured ribs and the swollen lips made a liar out of him.

He hadn’t asked for the beating, but he did want the make up sex because Jared was amazing when he was apologizing with his dick. He was tender and kind, yet slightly rough, making Jensen want to give him more reasons to apologize.

That was six months ago, and although his friends thought he hadn’t seen Jared since then, he has seen his ex. Okay, he’s fucked the man, but who could blame him? As much as he tried, he couldn’t keep away from Jared for long. Jared was six and a half feet of sex on muscular legs, and he made Jensen forget about why he shouldn’t go near him each time they met. Well at least until after the sex.

While still on an orgasmic high, they discussed trying their relationship again, but then Jared became possessive and verbal threats became a physical force, and that wasn’t a turn on. They were careful, and Jared made sure that he left no visible scars, but it was only a matter of time before they slipped up and got caught and jealousy was the catalyst.

After a couple of beers and playing the third wheel to Chris and Chad, Jensen wanted someone to spend some time with in both vertical and horizontal positions. The bar had a small dance floor, and he felt like dancing. There were several prospects in the room, so he sat back in his chair and decided which one he could eye-fuck good enough to get him to the table.

As his eyes wandered around the bar, Jensen lost interest in them because he knew that Jared was somewhere in the bar. His eyes hadn’t spotted him, but his body had. His pulse sped up, his breathing became shallow, and his ass cheeks clenched reminding him that it was empty.

For a moment, he thought that he was going to produce slick like the Omegas in those werewolf shifter books he liked to read.

Searching the room Jensen looked for the man but at first, because of the lust that suddenly overcame his body, he couldn’t focus, and all he saw was a blur, but when the haze cleared Jensen saw him.

At six and a half feet he stood head and shoulders above everyone else, and it took everything Jensen had not to run and jump on the man, wrap his arms around him and slide down on his cock and fuck him in front of the crowd letting everyone know why he couldn’t stay away.

Jared Padalecki, Jensen’s on again off again boyfriend stood at the bar as though he owned the place. While everyone was dressed in club clothes for the club they would hit later, Jared was dressed simply; a tight black t-shirt that pulled tight across his well-developed pecs and it was tucked into a pair of equally tight black jeans, showing off his trim waist.

The denim barely held the large thighs, muscled ass and the biggest dick it had been Jensen’s pleasure to ride. Of course, everything was big on Jared. He had a huge ego that fed his courage to make advances on anyone he pleased; he wore size 16 shoes (that was Jensen’s first clue that the dick was large) and huge hands that doled out both pleasure and pain.

It was the pain that made Jensen leave, but it was the mind-blowing pleasure that kept him coming back.

That beautiful smile clued in that Jared had spotted him, and Jensen smiled back, but when a haired twink who out twinkled entered and stepped up to Jared, Jensen realized that the smile wasn’t for him. As Chris and Chad talked to him, he could only stare and try to breathe through the pain that was searing through his chest.

He’d heard people talk about the pain, but until this moment, Jensen never realized that a broken heart was literal. He could feel the organ break into pieces as Jared kissed this young boy with lips that had kissed his lips and other places on his body.

“Jensen, man you aren’t paying attention to a word I’ve said,” Chris complained when Jensen didn’t answer his question. “What the fuck are you staring at?”

When Chris asked the question was the point when he should have answered nothing, but Jensen was so mesmerized that he let his friends turn around and catch him staring at Jared. He knew that the want etched on his face would be misconstrued as terror and Chris would attack if he thought that Jensen was in danger. Yeah, he could protect himself, but sometimes that meant letting others do your dirty work.

“Fuck!” Chad spat when he noticed his former best friend at the bar. Standing Chad pushed Chris back into his chair and said, “I don’t want to spend the evening trying to get your ass bailed out of jail, so sit back down while I talk to this motherfucker and convince him to leave.”

Jensen was still undecided whether Chris would follow his lover's instructions, but then the tension left his body, and he sat down and glared as he watched as Chad stalked towards Jared. There was no way that Chad would take Jared in a fight, so he knew that his friend was just going to talk, but Jensen imagined Jared punching Chad, strutting to the table, throw him over his shoulders and carry him home.

A boy can dream, can’t he?

Instead, he watched as the former best friends argued and pointed towards him and then over the noise in the small bar, Jensen heard Jared tell Chad that Jensen wasn’t the reason he was in the bar, that he was there with someone else. He was with kid named Brock who was barely eighteen but somehow had managed to snag Jared’s attention. This time it was pain on Jensen’s face as the words struck home.

Was Jared tired of their game and decided to move on to someone else?

Jensen stared at the boy as he stood to the side out of the line of fire. There were no visible signs of Jared’s brand of love so maybe the boy didn’t mean that much to him. Of course, Jared could have learned from people’s reaction from what he’d done to him and made his marks where others couldn’t see.

The look of satisfaction Chad wore when he stomped back to their table was for once not from Chris fucking him, but whatever Jared had said. Once he finished his story, both Chad and Chris spent the next few minutes trying to convince Jensen that he shouldn’t leave, that he can’t run each time he runs into Jared.

He wanted to leave but it wasn’t because of Jared’s presence, it was because Jared was in a bar that he knew there was a chance of seeing him with another man. As he listened to Chris and Chad drone on, all he could concentrate on was Jared leaving with his new boy toy.

He refused to call the handsome young man Jared’s boyfriend because he was the only one in Jared’s life to have earned that title.

Now that they were over, Jensen wanted to mourn the loss of his lover in private, but if he asked to leave early, then his friends would know that something was wrong and hound him until he confessed.

While he couldn’t escape them, Jensen did the next best thing, “I gotta hit the head,” he told the pair, and he stood up.

“Hit the head or get some head?” Chris laughed at his joke.

“You volunteering?” Jensen snarked.

As he walked towards the bathroom, Jensen glanced back at his friends to see if they were watching him, but Chad was too busy attempting to stuff his tongue downs Chris’ throat to worry about him.

Instead of going to the bathroom and listen to others have sex, Jensen snuck out the back door into the alley. The stench from the garbage was overwhelming, but he was too upset to care. He wanted to be alone where he could have a good cry before rejoining his friends.

If they said something about his red eyes, then he’d blame it on a nonexistent joint that he got from one of their friends. There was a brick outside the door he used to keep it propped open, that might be dangerous, but he wasn’t walking all the way around the building to get back inside.

He was barely outside when he heard sounds that he knew was someone fucking and was immediately pissed off because now he was going to have to find someplace else to have his alone time.

As he turned to go back inside, he heard a laugh, deep and sexy and he knew that it was Jared. He couldn’t wait to get the boy home and was fucking him in the alley. He’d had Jensen in this alley, was nothing sacred?

Jensen turned to go back inside, but a low moan from Jared went to his dick and rooted him to the spot. He had been vain to think that only he could pull sounds like that from Jared when it appeared that any hole would do.

Even though he wasn’t on the receiving end, Jensen didn’t want to miss a moment of Jared’s cock one last time. Trysts with Jared in the alley gave him the knowledge that where he stood, the dark protected him from Jared and his boy’s eyes should they look his way, but he could see everything they did.

Where the pair stood, a street light shone down on them like a spotlight and each stroke Jared made, the light danced off the lube, showcasing Jared’s beautiful cock. Before he realized what he was doing, Jensen had his cock out stripping it in rhythm to Jared’s strokes.

He wasn’t sure if he made a sound or if Jared was just as in-tuned to Jensen’s presence, but he turned to the corner where Jensen stood and made eye contact. Once he was sure that Jensen was watching, Jared’s strokes became faster and harder as he wrecked Brock's ass.

When Jared’s hips began to stutter, Jensen knew that he was close and was going to come, so he needed to finish and get out of there before Jared came down from his orgasmic high. He was close himself; he watched as Jared continued to stare at him, leaned forward until his lips were close to Brock's ear, and said, “Come for me.”

Both Jensen and Brock grunted as they came.

As Jared soothed Brock and heartbroken Jensen tucked himself back into his pants while wishing death to Brock and praying that he didn’t have come on him. A final wistful glance at Jared let Jensen see that he was still hard. The little bitch didn’t know how to fuck Jared right so why was he and Jared together?

Before he would do something stupid, Jensen headed back inside and shook his head when he noticed that there was light shining through the crack in the door. Jared had known he was there and had put on a performance for him. Fucker.

Back in the bar, Jensen threw back a couple of fruity drinks wannabe lovers sent to the table, but when one gathered up the nerves to approach him, Jensen had had enough. The bar was not the place for pickups.

“Let’s head to the club,” Jensen told Chris and Chad before turning to Bill or Brad or whatever the fuck his name was he smiled and said, “find me at the club, and I’ll save a dance for you.”

Not waiting for anyone’s reaction, Jensen sprinted to the door and was waiting at Chad’s car when his friends finally came outside.

“You know you didn’t tell that boy which club we’re going to?” Chris grinned as he started the car.

“Nope, let him figure that out.”

Jensen's intention was to find someone and let them take him home and fuck Jared from his mind, but there was no one in the world who could do that, and after a multitude of drinks, he asked himself why should he forget.

He lied and told Chris and Chad that he found someone for the night, then he hailed a cab and went to Jared’s apartment. When he knocked on the door, Jared answered immediately, and the sight of him almost made Jensen sober.

God, the man, was good-looking, he had no shirt but was wearing the black jeans from earlier. If Jensen had thought them sexy before, the sight of them riding low on Jared’s hips unzipped and barely containing Jared’s still hard dick made him want to drop to the floor and take Jared in his mouth.

He wouldn't do that in the hallway, Jared’s neighbors had caught them once before, if it happened again they might petition to get him evicted.

“So, you had to get drunk before you could work up the nerves to come to me, huh?” Jared asked as he opened the door to let Jensen inside.

“You can’t make anything easy can you, Jared?” Jensen asked trying to remember why he humiliated himself to come there.

“Jared, you coming back any time soon?” A naked Brock asked from the door of Jared’s bedroom. “Oops, I didn’t know you had company.”

The smirk on his face told Jensen that the twink was lying. The prick just wanted to let his competition know that he’d gotten there first, and Jensen was ready to admit defeat, after all Jared had brought the boy home. He was headed to the door when Jared’s words stopped him in his tracks.

“Jensen has come to show you how to fuck me properly.”

Brock gasped in outrage, but Jared and Jensen stared at one another in an unspoken challenge. Jared knew that Jensen was jealous and was not the sharing type, but neither was he one to back away from a challenge.

Jensen pulled his tight shirt over his head and walked up to Jared and cupped his dick, “Yeah, because it looks as though you haven't been satisfied all night.”

Not waiting for Jared’s response, Jensen pushed past Brock and took in the room he hadn’t been inside for two months and was surprised by what he saw. The bed had been rumpled a little but not in the manner it should have been after fucking Jared.

It was no wonder Jared invited him in; he had to be frustrated. As Jensen finished undressing, he heard Jared doing the same. He expected Brock to leave, but the boy stood there watching Jensen as though sizing up the competition.

Before Jensen could move towards Jared, Brock moved to Jared and dropped to knees and took Jared in in one swift motion and Jensen watched in horror as Jared threw his head back with pleasure.

He needn’t have worried though because the pretty boy could only take half of Jared while Jensen could swallow the monster whole. The pleasure that Jared had been showing soon turned to frustration, and that’s when Jensen decided to make his move.

No longer feeling dejected, Jensen joined Brock in his position of worship and waited for the amateur to take a breath. He didn’t have to wait long. A few seconds later he felt Jared push past his tonsils and slide down his throat.

"How?” Brock asked in wonderment, and he watched Jensen take Jared with practiced ease.

If his mouth hadn’t been so stuffed with Jared’s gorgeous cock, he would have smirked at the boy, but instead, he smiled at Jared with his eyes.

“I told you my boy was going to show you how to fuck me,” Jared said with a smile as the stroked Jensen’s stuffed cheek.

No, Jensen thought, he was going to show Brock how he fucked Jared, they had a lot of things to work out, but Jensen was not going to let Brock or anyone else come between him and his lover. He hoped that Brock enjoyed the show because this was the last time he got to see Jared like this. He knew that his friends were going to be a hard sell, he didn’t want to lose his friends, so he was going to have to find a way to get them on board.

"God, there is nothing more beautiful than seeing you on your knees,” Jared praised Jensen.

Jensen was so proud that he pleased Jared, if he could he would have taken Jared deeper in his throat.

As Jared continued to fuck his throat, Jensen needed to breathe, but Jared wasn’t going to pull out yet. He liked seeing Jensen struggle and Jensen liked it as well. As the large mushroom head continued to plug his throat, Jensen was determined that he was not going to tap out.

“You’re going to kill him!” Brock yelled at Jared, and for a moment Jensen forgot that he was still there. To show Brock that he was okay with Jared cutting off his air, he laced his hands on Jared’s hips and pulled him in closer.

Letting Jared fuck his mouth was what Jensen wanted, and Jared needed, not some silly little boy whose idea of being adventurous was a bad blow job. Despite Brock's worry, Jensen trusted Jared to protect him.

Even though he trusted Jared, Jensen wasn’t sure how much longer he could last and when he felt Jared’s cock tighten, he knew it would be over soon, but instead of filling Jensen’s belly with come, Jared pulled out.

Not knowing if Jared was going to fuck his throat again, Jensen pulled the precious air in his lungs; but Jared reached down and pulled Jensen to his feet and kissed him reclaiming the air Jensen had just inhaled.

As they kissed, Jensen found himself being led towards the huge king sized bed without breaking contact with Jared’s lips.

When the back of his knees hit the mattress, Jensen scrambled onto the bed and spread his legs and held out his hand in invitation.

Jared crawled forward and ground their cocks together, and the friction made Jensen groan in pleasure.

“I have to stop baby,” Jared told him. “I want to come inside you. Been too long without you and I’m gonna come if you don’t stop.”

“Yes,” Jensen agreed.

Jared leaned forward and kissed Jensen once again before reaching behind his head for the astroglide he kept under the pillow. As he coated his fingers with the lube, Jared looked at Jensen with love in his eyes.

As the first finger slid inside him, Jared said, “I love you so goddamned much. I know that I don’t tell or show you as I should but know that I do.”

With Jared’s confession of love ringing in his ears, he thought, fuck Chris and Chad. They had one another and just because they didn’t understand what he and Jared had, that was no reason to keep them apart.

Those thoughts flew from his mind as Jared added a second finger in his hole and brushed Jensen’s prostate.

“You’re tight, Jensen, does that mean that no one has had you since me?”

Looking over to where Brock was sitting and stroking his cock, Jensen whispered, “No, no one.”

Brock’s presence made him feel weak and foolish, but no one could fuck him black and blue like Jared did and made him feel amazing afterwards. He was sure there was someone who could, but there would be no trust, no love.

Jensen needed both to give himself with no reservations.

“What’s my reward?” he asked Jared.

The big man didn’t answer, he just took his cock in his hand and pushed through the tight ring of muscle until his balls slapped against Jensen ass and the force of his entrance took Jensen’s breath away.

Jared's confession was an aberration and to Jensen’s knowledge as soft as he’d ever been. Not letting Jensen adjust, Jared established a rhythm so vicious that Jensen knew it was going to have him walking carefully for the next few days, but right now he couldn’t bring himself to care.

To heighten his pleasure, Jensen reached between them to stroke his trapped cock, but Jared slapped is hand away, “you know the rules, Jen, you don’t get to touch what’s mine.”

“But you let Brock,” Jensen whined as he watched the boy stroking his cock to match Jared’s strokes.

“Brock is not mine,” Jared advised him before he bent Jensen’s legs until they were almost next to Jensen’s face, trapped on the bed. The move changed the angle and Jared was hitting Jensen’s prostate with every thrust causing Jensen to tighten up around Jared and come, hot and sticky on his stomach.

He could hear Brock come a few seconds later.

His hole clenched around Jared, but the man had stamina like no one else and kept up the punishing rhythm until Jensen’s spent dick came back to life.

“I did all the work before now it’s your turn,” Jared instructed as he pulled out leaving Jensen’s abused hole empty and clutching around nothing.

Once Jared was on his back, Jensen was straddling his hips and sinking down on that monster cock. As he was fully seated, Jensen began a slow, steady pace until Jared stilled his movements.

“You’re fucking me like a girl, if I wanted pussy, I would still be with Gen, now fuck me like ya mean it.”

The mention of Jared’s former girlfriend spurred Jensen into action as he tried to set a more brutal pace.

Now it was Jensen who set the pace, but he couldn’t fuck with the force that Jared had, and when he felt a pair of soft hands on his hips helping him, he shot Brock a look of thanks, and he rode Jared until he felt his cock stiffen and he was coming again.

Now Brock held Jensen still as Jared gave a couple more strokes before he came.

It was all Jensen could do to hold his eyes open, so he fell forward and went to sleep on Jared’s chest with Jared’s cock still in his hole.

When he woke, Brock was gone, and Jared was asleep next to him, and all was right with the world.




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